A barrier on my way

Dear Peeps,

I worry a lot about my future and what I want to study when it comes time for university. I have two more years left of school and in September I start the IB, which means that at the moment I have to kind of have an idea of what I want to do in my life career wise. I am not absolutely sure whether I want to become a journalist or a lawyer, a doctor or a businesswoman. All I know is that I want to do great things in my life and I want to challenge myself to the maximum and do the best I can do. This week I was pretty lucky to manage and get an internship at the polyclinic in Cyprus, as I’m here for a month because of holidays.

Day 1

The only things I learnt today were paracetamol and Tourette syndrome. “Tourette syndrome (TS) is a neurological disorder characterized by repetitive, stereotyped, involuntary movements and vocalizations called tics.” Even if I didn’t learn much, it was very good to know how it is too work. It’s mainly boring and at some points it was interesting. I was expecting it to be more intensive, like a good workout and it was somewhat a calm day for them, one of the easy ones. I followed some nurses around and I felt like I was bothering them from doing their work. Being around people isn’t my forte but I managed and I’m proud for that. I came into contact with people and I got many smiles that made my day brighter. I helped people and that is enough to make me feel good about myself. I helped to measure the blood pressure and I watched as the nurses changed the error. I also heard their conversation and what it’s like to work there and when the lady I was following took a break I followed her outside and saw other nurses that will probably be the ones I’ll be with the coming days. I hope to see some surgeries the next days, just watch them and not follow around the nurses. It was fun nonetheless what I want to follow is medicine and I wish to spend more time with doctors the next days. I’m happy with myself as I managed to survive around all these people and stayed there for almost 5 hours. I can do this!

Day 2

It wasn’t any more interesting today. I still feel grateful for the internship though. I visited the paediatrics section in the morning and I saw a couple sick kids. I met some other interns, a few years older than me and they were nice and friendly, I quite liked them. We took this guy to the X-ray room and then we just waited for him to finish and took him back at the place we found him. During the end of our shift we went to the casualty and just stayed there, nothing worth mentioned happened.

Day 3

This, my friends, was the most eventful day up to now. I woke up in the morning and decided to skip breakfast. Almost every day I wake up and feel bloated. Even if I went to bed hungry, despite how much I’ve eaten the night before in the mornings I wake up and for at least an hour after I wake up I don’t feel like eating. Most of the days I just force myself to eat if I have to leave the house, because breakfast is essential. Today I decided to go without it, since I was feeling full. As soon as I arrived at the hospital, I found my mentor and she told me that I can spend the day at casualty. After a while, this girl comes in with her parents and she has strange metals on her leg. I am not going to explain it in detail as it was complicated and something I hadn’t seen before. She came in to change her bandages and we took them to this special extra sterile room and went in to watch the nurses while they were changing them. There was a bit of blood and it wasn’t very pleasant to watch. I watched her cringe and I felt bad for that girl who was not much younger than me. I felt really sad for her and looked down as I didn’t want to watch too much of it and feel sick or anything. As I was looking down I looked at the nurses crocks and started thinking how almost all the nurses wear them and how comfortable they probably are. Then I started feeling like throwing up and thought ‘oh maybe I should go outside.’ Without realising it I was slowly losing my senses as the room got hotter and I felt like I went to sleep. I became unconscious and oh well I fainted. Next thing I know is that I open my eyes and see a lot of people around me and the nurse offering me water. I was lying on a bed and a doctor came to check me up. It was the first time I’ve ever passed out and I just started crying as soon as I thought about it. My dream of becoming a doctor was crushed a bit at that moment as I got so disappointed at myself. The other interns that were there told me what happened. I started leaning on one of them and then they heard my knees falling on the floor and realised that I had fainted. I felt really upset and went home after I got checked up, feeling down.

I was embarrassed because I felt like I couldn’t be a doctor anymore and I felt bad because I pictured the girl’s face when she saw that I passed out. I obviously did not see her again after I became conscious and I definitely did not see her face as I was losing my senses, but it just felt so unfair that this has happened to me. I did not tell my friends as I did not want anyone to know about it and I felt like staying in my room the whole day and do nothing. I did not do that as I had to face reality and just stay strong and prove myself I’m tougher than that. So I followed the day as scheduled and went out with my friends and family to different places. Until the day was over I was feeling much better.

Day 4

I would say that day 4 is babies’ day. Lots and lots of babies today. In the morning, as soon as I arrived a lot of young children arrived with different incidents. There was this girl who had broken her arm and a little boy who had temperature. Other children came in too, a lot of them crying and the sound is still buzzing in my ears now, hearing all these children and babies crying today. Two hours before it was time to go on of the other interns had the idea of going to the floor with the new-born babies and see them. We got permission and went there and we got in the baby room. There we fed a baby for the first time and it was so cute to watch all the babies sleep. At the moment, they didn’t have that many babies there, nonetheless the ones we saw were ‘fresh’ as they were born today and yesterday. One of the little girls was three hours old when we visited, she is tiny!

I felt proud of myself, as I went to the polyclinic again even after the incident that happened on day three. I was strong enough to put it in the past and live with it. There was some tension as our mentor did not let us see as much because of what happened to me, although I was calm and accepted the fact that it wasn’t my fault and there’s not much I could do about it anymore. Day 4 was my favourite, I got to see babies and that made me so excited.

Day 5

I spent the day at the MRI and CT. Meh, not much to say. I am a bit sad this internship is over.

The overall experience made me a better person as I realised that no matter what, I am not going to quit. I am not going to stop trying to find out what I want to do with my life. At the moment I feel like becoming a doctor is what will make me happy so I am pursuing that. I got my first lab coat, even if I did not get to keep it… I may have fainted once, but that will not stop me from trying to go to med school. I will try to see something similar again and see how I react to it. I watch medical series and I will try my best to fight this and make myself immune to watching people bleed.

I am a person who believes that anything is possible and I want to be able to accomplish my dreams no matter what it takes to do that.

There is also the possibility that I cannot do anything about it and that is okay. No matter what, I will face the consequences in the future. For now, I am just going to enjoy my summer and not worry about it too much. For all the teenagers out there that want to do something in their lives and find barriers in their way, just know that you are not alone and you can do this. Stay strong.

Cheers to the Teenage Years, The Quiet Girl.

 

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