Has anyone ever told you…

Has anyone ever told you, you’re thought-provoking? Have they come up to you a day after you had a conversation or even after class to say. 

“You know what, what you have said has awakened a side of me, has opened my horizons in an extraordinary way, in a way that makes me want to learn more because after all… I think my opinion up to now was wrong or to phrase it better out of perspective?”
That has never happened to me. There were many times when people told me I look pretty on a specific occasion or when someone congratulated me after achieving a high grade at a test. For me, that’s not enough. 
As a person, I like to say that I’m a silent power. I write more than I speak and when I do speak I think before I do so which cancels what I needed to say many times. People usually use so many words but they are not saying anything substantial. Small talk is my enemy, I like to say hi to people I don’t know and ask them how they’re doing or say something nice to make another person’s day a bit better. But to have small talk with someone that is just for formalities, that I find pointless. I like to talk to people, I like to know how they’re truly doing, I like to see beyond a pretty face and a sharp brain. 
I wish for people to trust me, to talk to me and let me truly know whether they’re doing well or whether they are dying inside because of a tragedy, because of circumstantial reasons or just because that’s how they’re feeling. Also, I wish to do something about that. That silence we have. We talk but we are not saying anything. We communicate yet the necessary is not said. I wish to change that. 
Has anyone ever told you that you have one life and that is enough? It’s enough to give as much as you can and take of course. But giving… Giving is a sacred act. It can make another person’s day better, it can make your day better and eventually it can make everyone’s lives better. So share your thoughts even if you think they’re wrong and explain to others why what you believe in is right. Going back to the way I communicate the best, I write. 
I write because I have things to say, I have beliefs to share with the world and today’s belief, regarding everything that’s going on in the world right now, is to give as much as possible and appreciate what is given to you. 
Thank you beautiful peeps, have a great day!


I’m me like that

I sent this poem to my friend the other day and he said it’s deep. I think it’s honest. So here you go, have a lovely weekend everyone.

I’m weird like that. I could have crepes or waffles at any point during the day. When I sing,  I sound like a goat and I dance like a whale trying to survive on shore. I am terrible at following schedules and every day I eat lunch and dinner at different times. I can’t eat food without some sort of sauce or weird combination and I can’t start the day without a glass of water. I drink more than 3 liters a day and I don’t pee more than 5 times even if I drink 10 liters, I probably sweat too much or something… I don’t have a favourite movie or song and I don’t believe that role models should even exist, I don’t understand the concept of them. You are your own special person, unique like that. Why would you want to look like or act like someone else? I have nihilistic tendencies when it comes to religion and politics. I like simplicity and I believe that minimalistic houses are to die for but I also love the ones where there’s so much going on, the ones with huge bookcases and the ones that have antiques and built on memories that didn’t come with the house when it was first created or when the people first moved inside. I value and love the people around me so much, sometimes I care too much and sometimes pleasing them is all I can think of that I stop paying attention to myself and what I actually need, not the others. I want people I love to be happy and when they’re not it instantly brings me down and it makes me want to change the whole world just to make them smile again. I don’t believe in marriage and forever even though part of me hopes that there is such thing as love that could be immortal and overcome any barrier. I get sad when people I love decide they don’t want me to be part of their lives anymore as if it’s a decision they can make for themselves without consulting me first. I don’t understand how they can do this but then again I’m me, complicated like that. I feel too much, I love too much, I care too much. I also over analyze every and any situation even if it’s not my position to judge, I just think of everything that occurs and I try to evaluate events as if they were a report and they could be improved or fixed in a way… Just to minimize error, for future references. I’m weird like that because I finish books in one night, I woke up to go running at 6  and I got so attached to a person it took me two years to stop texting and trying to communicate. I am weird and some call it crazy but I call it Elaine, that’s how I explain the insanity.

Being strong is being you

A lot of tragedies have stricken when I was away. I haven’t been active for a while and I owe you an explanation. Except battling to survive IB1 at school and get decent grades, I also had to deal with my own personal issues which held me back from being the best form of me. These small setbacks have made me less productive and at some point, I lost hope and felt weak and vulnerable.

This is a message to all of you out there who are going through hard times, either because you lost a loved one or because you lost yourself. You might be lost and you might feel lonely, but YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

It’s Summer and the sun is out, meaning that it’s time for a change. It’s time to treat yourself, to make things better and to end up feeling better.

In order to get there, you might need to cry and let it all out. You might need a day off and you might need to spend half an hour before going to bed playing the piano and drinking tea just to calm down and be able to sleep. But you’ll get there if you want to you will.

I’ll tell you a little story, from a very emotional and sensitive teenager who happens to have an imperfect life, like all of us.

Last night I cried myself to sleep and this morning I woke up with a swollen eye and an aching collarbone. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw someone who didn’t quite look like me. I smiled at myself and my smile looked sad. I tried to take a selfie but my eyes had this spark that was slowly dying, running out of energy.

Then I got up and I brought my dog in my room and hugged her so tight, trying to get all the love I could. I spend the day in bed, watching series, sending emails and putting things into perspective.

What I’m trying to get across with this story is that we all have our down days. We all feel insecure about something and we all have the right to be ‘weak’ sometimes. Accepting this side of us and willing to work on it is what matters, what makes us strong instead.

Ariana sang ‘Somewhere over the rainbow’ in the Love Manchester Concert. Being able to look at the rainbow after the rain is what makes us who we are. Because we all have different views and just being able to imagine a life somewhere over the rainbow is good enough.

You know what being strong means? It means that you have the strength to be you. To be this whole special person, to strive to differ without trying too much because being yourself makes you different. I learned a thing or two about life from my biology lessons this year. One of them is that we all have this special set of genes called a genome. Our genome is totally different to everyone else’s and that’s what makes us different. We are all different. The thing is by trying fit in a segment of society we try to be different which makes us all the same. That’s why we should be ourselves.

Being yourself is the strongest act you can do. Because being yourself will make you different but you are not alone… We are all different. Embrace yourself, your weird personality, your caged soul which wants to be set free. And make sure when you do it you do it with love and compassion so that others can see that it’s not that bad after all… It’s not that bad being yourself and standing up for what you should believe in the most. Yourself.

Stay strong, look at the rainbow, imagine your life somewhere over that rainbow. Take your time, cry and then stand up at your feet and look at the world out there and all of the lovely things you’d be missing if you don’t give life another try.

I am currently working on myself and getting there so that I can soon be in a better position to enjoy all those little things life has to offer. Little things that add up to a life worth living.

Cheers to the Teenage Years,

The Quiet Girl.

Running away from time

I woke up today and looked at my phone, the screen lid up and I read 9:05! I was late to work and my heart started racing faster than usual. I tried multitasking so I was brushing my teeth and thinking of my outfit of the day when my phone started ringing, it was probably my boss intending to fire me, I was so worth it how could I not hear my alarm… Oh, wait did I set an alarm? I started losing my temper when my little bubble of thoughts burst I look at my phone and it’s my brother.

Some seconds later I’m cheering, jumping up and down and changing the schedule of my entire day. I call my boss and she congratulates me, I put on my pink shirt and my fancy pants trying to look good on a day like this one. I rush out of the apartment and I head to the train to go find my family and celebrate, I am overwhelmed thinking that this day started in such a weird manner.

I walk fast in the pace of the song I’m listening to, I have it on repeat so I’m jamming to the lyrics and every time my favorite part comes I stay silent and enjoy some quality music. Before I realize I’m sitting on the train, holding a bagel and coffee. I taste it and its flavor overpowers all my other senses as all I can think of is how good it tastes. I am in a carefree state right now!

Next time I look at my phone it’s 11:02. Such a peculiar day isn’t it? At this time on a normal day, I would be sitting at my desk doing my normal workload, being half way through but needing a break. This is normally the time I stand up and stretch my long legs by going up to Judy’s office to gossip about fashion week and what our fave celeb was wearing just the other day at that event.

Then I wondered… What if there was no such thing as time? Then I would never know what I would be doing right now under standard circumstances. Then I wouldn’t stress this morning because I would simply not know that I woke up late. There wouldn’t be such thing as deadlines and no one would feel like they are running out of time as they would just live life, simply like that. Time measurements are a man made creation, so why do we give so much value to something that could as well not exist? I dream of a world without dates and years and that seems almost impossible to me, I think of absolute chaos when I try to picture a timeless world. I sort of like it, though… Soon, everybody stands up the last passengers who remained on the train pick up their suitcases and leave one by one each going their separate ways and I’m still thinking. I decide I need to escape from this hypothetical made from a what if the world and come back to this one.

I arrive at my destination and as soon as I see the sky I know that I am at the right place. I take a taxi to my brother’s house. The taxi driver is extremely talkative and he asked me pretty much the story of my life. I sort of enjoy it though since it keeps me busy, away from my thoughts and makes me stay on earth and not zone out for once.

I get into the house and the whole family is there, moments later I get greeted on from everyone, hugging me and telling me the details of the good news. And I’m out on the balcony looking at the view. There is house after house filled with little people, they each have their own lives evolved around time, the same time we all have, just different schedules, some of them might not even have schedules at all. They seem pleased… What am I saying, I’m the one who sees them being cheerful just because I’m delighted?

I am here. I am at home. I am at my happy place and this is all that matters right now. not what the place is called or what time it is here. I know that I belong here, right at this place, right at this time and this is all that matters.

Roses and Daisies

I was running in a field with daisies and I see a bush with roses. I am intrigued by the way they stand out and even though they don’t really match with the surroundings they are beautiful. They are red but not the deep kind of red.  It’s the fresh, oxygenated blood kind of red. There are far more daisies and they are all flowers, with their rich scents flying around like little fairies, although the roses are what holds my attention. Their allure is special in a sort of way that makes me think.

If those roses were in a field with roses then would I be thinking the same thing about the flowers and if the two reversed roles and I was in a field with roses and then there are a few daisies would I still be thinking that roses are far more attractive.

I was quite young when I knew that I’m a romantic person who likes to look at details and think that love is the only solution to anything. Roses are usually representatives of love, sometimes successful and other times not. It all depends on the person they are given to and where they are coming from. There are also other complications, such as the intentions of the flowers or whether there are actual feelings involved. To make some kind of sense out of this, I’m linking the fact that I like roses with me being a romantic person.

Then there are daisies which to me they mean hope and happiness. They remind me of a fine spring morning when I wake up and hear my grandma screaming my name. I go into the house and as she prepares breakfast for me I try on her jewelry and smile in the mirror as I like the view of me. In the background, I can smell the daisies and when I, later on, go outside in the garden to sit and have tea and breakfast with her I can finally see them, the daisies on a peaceful lovely morning.

I hear my dog barking which brings me back to reality. I look around me and the same flowers are standing there with their sweet sweet aromas. In winter those flowers will die, there will no longer be a field of daisies and roses it will be a field of dead flowers and lost hope. That’s in winter though we still have time for that. And if you think about it, that’s the lifespan of flowers it is not possible to change it or get upset about such things as they are flowers. At the end of the day, they are just flowers.

My dog is running towards me all muddy and I am certain that I will not wear this dress again the next time I go for a walk. I don’t care that much about my dress getting dirty today, there’s no one around to look at the stains and possibly make fun of how childish I am. Except for the flowers. I feel like they are all looking at me, not judging, just looking.

I know that flowers don’t have eyes, I understand that they’re plants and they can’t think. I wander around and even more, memories run in my head I try to keep them out and enjoy the moment but I just can’t, there’s too many of them and I have no control over them. They’re mostly happy memories but there’s also some sad ones. It’s all the flowers fault it’s all the roses fault, I keep thinking. Why are they even there?

Did someone plant them there, or did someone plant or the daisies around them? Are the roses trying to steal the show? Because if that’s their purpose then they’re succeeding. Perhaps it is someone who once loved and was loved. Perhaps he planted them there and he watered them. Perhaps he took care of them every day until the day he died as well. Perhaps these flowers reminded him of his loved one and he wanted to keep them alive in order to keep her soul alive, as she loved roses so much. You see roses are a flower that is to be loved and to love you back with its majestic beauty. It also hurts, though. Its thorns are small but they can make one bleed, they can cause pain. They hide disappointment and aching but after all… It is all worth it.

The daisies have probably been planted by a farmer. A very muscular one with a big smile and an even bigger heart. She is probably around 30 I can see it from the clumsiness of her work and I know it is a female because I have this feeling that it is. She wants to sell them to the market she is not keeping them, she can’t stand watching them die but she also needs the money. Every time she visits the valley she picks one up, secretly so that her father doesn’t see her. She takes out the petals one by one and she repeats the poem. ‘He loves me, he loves me not’ she says and hope is surrounding her as she picks out each and every petal hoping that the  last one will always end up being ‘he loves me’ so that she can get excited and hope that one day in the near future he will finally notice her and love her for real.

The roses and the daisies remain there, still, not moving or thinking. At the end of the day, they are just flowers. They are just flowers in a field and I’m a daydreamer who likes to wander around. Ah, the beautiful scents have dragged me into their world, one so charming I’d like to stay there if that was possible. But it is just flowers and I am just a girl. A girl who loves roses and daisies.

Hectic World Hello

Soon enough I will be back to my busy everyday routine. Don’t get me wrong I like having a schedule, in fact, I love knowing what I have to do in all parts of the day, it makes me feel in peace as I know I have planned what I need to do and I feel like my days ends up being more productive. In a few days I am going back to school and therefore the school mindset will come back but what I need to do this time is fighting it.

Spending three weeks at home was amazing. I had time to read, take long baths and ‘waste’ my time doing the things that I never have time to do when I have school. What needs to change is the idea of school making me miserable because otherwise, I will barely make it another year.

“My parents hate me” I was thinking. It was a Monday morning, my energy levels were low but the motivation was high therefore it’s the ideal time to do school work and the wrong day to do a workout, according to my way of thinking… and they wanted to go running in a dog park? That’s exactly the reason why I believe that my family consists of four random totally different people and their pets living under the same roof!

At some point, I got lost in my thoughts as I was day dreaming and I realized that the dog park was not such a bad idea. It was a reminder that this is the point of life. All these spontaneous moments are what make it worth it. Children’s laughs, dogs barking, and people walking and talking about their problems or sometimes having a light conversation about things that don’t really matter to them but are fun to talk about.


I got lost in the forest even if it was just a bunch of trees really and a path that was divided into sections. The hills, nature, not seeing cars for a while or at some point completely alone I noticed that this made me feel in peace with nature and in peace with myself. It reminded me of that time that my best friend and I decided to go to a concert two hours before it was starting. It was an hour away and we got in the car wishing that we would find tickets when we got there. Thankfully we found tickets and had the best night, we danced, we laughed, we observed people. There was this really tall person standing next to me and  I was surprised at how tall he looked even next to my best friend who looks like a giant to me, she’s so tall.

It was a fun night due to our spontaneous decision to make the most out of it. We knew that there was no point of studying for a few more hours. We were doing school work all day and our brains were tired, we needed a break. Similarly, in life, we need small breaks from what we are doing. We need a break every day, from reality, we need some time to do something that we like and something that will make us then be more productive when we sit down to do school work or just work.

This is what is missing from my life at the moment. Those minutes that I take now to light a candle, read five pages from a book or even write down a poem that will help me understand and come in touch with my emotions. It is a hectic big world out there and the workload can sometimes be extreme.It can consume your entire life make you forget the reason you are alive, to actually live and not just exist. I believe that if there are planning and right timing for everything then it is possible to have balance and be happy, stay healthy and on top of things.


Take your dog for a walk, meditate, talk to a friend. Give yourself a break. You need it.

What I am trying to say is that you should plan your day but you should never plan relaxation time, be instinctive about it. You know when you need it when you feel like you are drowning and you can’t take it anymore.


Note to myself to follow my own advice and survive school, thrive at school, stay positive and have balance in my life.

Have a great day!

Cheers to the Teenage Years, 

The Quiet Girl. 



Goal Diggers

Dear Peeps,

It’s a new one. A blank page ready to be filled in. Stories are yet to be lived and memories yet to be made. It shall be a good one, as much as possible. Hopefully with tears, since tears of joy are something positive, but other than that tears are a way of taking the pain out and getting rid of negative thoughts. So it shall be a good one with the right amount of tears and laughter.

This past year I’ve come to realize that I like to share stories and to share them with people. As soon as something happens in my life I want to call my best friends and tell them and spread the news and up to now I thought it was a matter of me being a gossip but I have finally realised that it is my passion that I have with people and events that are happening, I get attached to them in a way and I like to repeat them in my mind and create my own version of things. I like to call this imagination and since I’m so passionate about sharing stories, my main goal for this year shall be to write more. Write scripts, texts that do not necessarily have to be read by someone or get someone’s approval. Since writing is the one thing that makes me feel free I will try to write more and record enraptured moments of the world.

2016 did not start quite right as someone beloved passed away on the very first day of the year which caused the absolute chaos in many of my closest people’s lives one of them being my mom and my best friend. It was tough, knowing that I could not be there for them when they needed me the most. Nonetheless, it also put life into perspective and a year later I am able to evaluate the whole experience and deduce that health comes above everything else in life. Being able to live another day is a blessing since some people are not as lucky as we are and did not come this far. Therefore, I decided that I need to sleep more, exercise for the right reasons and eat right because sometimes nutrition can be key to staying healthy and even alive.

I am probably too predictable but my next goal for this year is to create an aim for my life and start thinking a bit more. Dedicate more time to thinking and figuring out where I would like to be in 10 years is what I would like to achieve this year as I coming closer to adulthood and it’s good to know that I know where I stand in my own life. In order to get the grades that I want there has to be some sort of motivation and by getting to know myself better I will hopefully eventually know where I’m heading in my life.

Last but certainly not least is people. The people that surround us may seem insignificant from day to day although when seeing the bigger picture they can have a huge influence in our lives. I used to believe that being with fun people is all that is needed, thus I was always looking for positive and happy people to be friends with. Recently I came to the realization that this is not enough. Sometimes we need that someone who will understand us a bit better, stand next to us when going through a rough time and someone who will love and care about us l like we do them. That’s why this year I want to get rid of toxic people, not from my life because that is not simply possible sometimes but from the list of people who matter and will surround me throughout the year and then later on in my life.

This year I would like to be a goal digger and dig deep to find goals that will put meaning in my life. This year I would like to live life to the fullest and appreciate to the fullest as well. This year shall be a good one because I am choosing to make it a good one.

Time measurements are a human invention and the changing of years is our way of dividing life into chapters which will then add up to a book of each person’s life and the thing is that you never know when a chapter could be the leading one, the peak of the book so each one should be treated with as much caution as possible and we should try to make each chapter the peak so that we can then end up with an incredible book behind which will be remembered as our life.

Happy New Year Goal Diggers

Cheers to the Teenage Years, The Quiet Girl.



Most worn items of Summer

Summer is the period of the year when we have a lot of time to purchase and use new things, try new items out.

This summer, when I visited Italy with my family I bought a lot of new clothing and used most of it. These are the items I wore, used as well as the book I read and enjoyed the most.


The first item I had to add to my list is this book. ‘Fangirl’ is a fun, light book easy to read and super relatable. Rainbow Rowell has a unique voice that I especially enjoy since I feel like it reminds me of the way I think. I would totally recommend this book to any young adult bookworm. I bought the paperback since it’s cheaper but the hardback looks cool as well. You can order it from book depository or other websites, even though you could even find it at your local bookstore.


These sunnies have been my summer’s absolute favourite. I’ve been wearing them every day, anywhere and everywhere I went. I found it easy to style them and they looked stunning on me at the beach which made me feel more confident. You can order them from Massimo Duti.


The Tanya Burr Hollywood eye palette was convenient and part of my makeup almost every day. I’m a big fan of brown tones on the eyes and these colours are exactly what I needed to complete a full eyeshadow eye makeup that I could dress up and dress down depending on the occasion. I ordered this from amazon but you could order it from Feel Unique.



This is what I smelled like this summer. I find coconut smell so summery and fresh. I’ve been spraying so much of this that I had to repurchase it as I need this for those winter days coming that I’ll feel nostalgic for summer. I’ll be spraying my ‘I love… Coconut & Cream‘ and pretending it’s a summer day which will make me happy.


I ordered these cute necklaces from Urban Outfitters and I wore them so many times they are starring in most of my photos.

Cheers to the Teenage Years, The Quiet Girl.


Traveling around

Dear Peeps,

 I’m in Milan, one of the most beautiful places i’ve ever been to and yet i can’t seem to find my peace. Its not like I’m not having fun or I’m too tired but this… I think I miss writing. I think I miss this… Sitting down to write to a friend, a beloved one. Sitting down and writing to spread love to take away all bad and bring good vibes. Every single day I feed myself with all this unhealthy food, pizza pasta cheese and I kind of miss having beans or avocado or even lattuce or kale. They say people always want what they cant have and atm this is what’s happening to me. This is a lovely place you guys.. It’s full of stylish people, chic. Putting an effort to look good but not caring too much about the people passing by them on the streets as they want to look good to the people they already know, not the ones they haven’t met yet. They are radiating urban vibes, they are citizens of a large, cosmopolitan city. Others are tourists, going around with their cameras capturing the moment like they would ever forget it. They want to look back on the content they take at the moment and think of happy times, they are wishing that it takes them back to time… Even if at that moment they werent feeling the best they think that one day they’ll want to look back and think of it as pleasant times. Traveling puts people at ease. Just observing, the humans and the buildings elsewhere makes you appreciate what you have at home, stability. I like traveling, I feel a bit homesick though. I miss spy licking my face and Leo scratching my thigh. I miss waking up in the morning and my big ass room and thinking of how much I love that room. I miss having those days when all I do is read a book and the moment I finally get to finish it. It’s not a moment of glory, I’m confused and kind of sad that it finished that way, wishing I could turn back time and do something better with my life, write instead of read. But before reading it is impossible for me to write, the day after, the week later… That’s why we need to travel. Without traveling motivation doesn’t come the day after, the week later. It doesn’t need to be far away, as long as you’re outside your house, that’s when you’re living your life. As humans, we always seek for something more, for that something we can’t have. Right now this is what’s happening to me, all I need is a quiet room, alone time and a laptop or a notepad and a pen to write. Instead, I have my phone, I’m in a quiet room and I will adjust myself to be satisfied with this, as this is life. Enough with my melodramatic speech, talk to you guys soon.
Cheers to the Teenage Years, The Quiet Girl.

A barrier on my way

Dear Peeps,

I worry a lot about my future and what I want to study when it comes time for university. I have two more years left of school and in September I start the IB, which means that at the moment I have to kind of have an idea of what I want to do in my life career wise. I am not absolutely sure whether I want to become a journalist or a lawyer, a doctor or a businesswoman. All I know is that I want to do great things in my life and I want to challenge myself to the maximum and do the best I can do. This week I was pretty lucky to manage and get an internship at the polyclinic in Cyprus, as I’m here for a month because of holidays.

Day 1

The only things I learnt today were paracetamol and Tourette syndrome. “Tourette syndrome (TS) is a neurological disorder characterized by repetitive, stereotyped, involuntary movements and vocalizations called tics.” Even if I didn’t learn much, it was very good to know how it is too work. It’s mainly boring and at some points it was interesting. I was expecting it to be more intensive, like a good workout and it was somewhat a calm day for them, one of the easy ones. I followed some nurses around and I felt like I was bothering them from doing their work. Being around people isn’t my forte but I managed and I’m proud for that. I came into contact with people and I got many smiles that made my day brighter. I helped people and that is enough to make me feel good about myself. I helped to measure the blood pressure and I watched as the nurses changed the error. I also heard their conversation and what it’s like to work there and when the lady I was following took a break I followed her outside and saw other nurses that will probably be the ones I’ll be with the coming days. I hope to see some surgeries the next days, just watch them and not follow around the nurses. It was fun nonetheless what I want to follow is medicine and I wish to spend more time with doctors the next days. I’m happy with myself as I managed to survive around all these people and stayed there for almost 5 hours. I can do this!

Day 2

It wasn’t any more interesting today. I still feel grateful for the internship though. I visited the paediatrics section in the morning and I saw a couple sick kids. I met some other interns, a few years older than me and they were nice and friendly, I quite liked them. We took this guy to the X-ray room and then we just waited for him to finish and took him back at the place we found him. During the end of our shift we went to the casualty and just stayed there, nothing worth mentioned happened.

Day 3

This, my friends, was the most eventful day up to now. I woke up in the morning and decided to skip breakfast. Almost every day I wake up and feel bloated. Even if I went to bed hungry, despite how much I’ve eaten the night before in the mornings I wake up and for at least an hour after I wake up I don’t feel like eating. Most of the days I just force myself to eat if I have to leave the house, because breakfast is essential. Today I decided to go without it, since I was feeling full. As soon as I arrived at the hospital, I found my mentor and she told me that I can spend the day at casualty. After a while, this girl comes in with her parents and she has strange metals on her leg. I am not going to explain it in detail as it was complicated and something I hadn’t seen before. She came in to change her bandages and we took them to this special extra sterile room and went in to watch the nurses while they were changing them. There was a bit of blood and it wasn’t very pleasant to watch. I watched her cringe and I felt bad for that girl who was not much younger than me. I felt really sad for her and looked down as I didn’t want to watch too much of it and feel sick or anything. As I was looking down I looked at the nurses crocks and started thinking how almost all the nurses wear them and how comfortable they probably are. Then I started feeling like throwing up and thought ‘oh maybe I should go outside.’ Without realising it I was slowly losing my senses as the room got hotter and I felt like I went to sleep. I became unconscious and oh well I fainted. Next thing I know is that I open my eyes and see a lot of people around me and the nurse offering me water. I was lying on a bed and a doctor came to check me up. It was the first time I’ve ever passed out and I just started crying as soon as I thought about it. My dream of becoming a doctor was crushed a bit at that moment as I got so disappointed at myself. The other interns that were there told me what happened. I started leaning on one of them and then they heard my knees falling on the floor and realised that I had fainted. I felt really upset and went home after I got checked up, feeling down.

I was embarrassed because I felt like I couldn’t be a doctor anymore and I felt bad because I pictured the girl’s face when she saw that I passed out. I obviously did not see her again after I became conscious and I definitely did not see her face as I was losing my senses, but it just felt so unfair that this has happened to me. I did not tell my friends as I did not want anyone to know about it and I felt like staying in my room the whole day and do nothing. I did not do that as I had to face reality and just stay strong and prove myself I’m tougher than that. So I followed the day as scheduled and went out with my friends and family to different places. Until the day was over I was feeling much better.

Day 4

I would say that day 4 is babies’ day. Lots and lots of babies today. In the morning, as soon as I arrived a lot of young children arrived with different incidents. There was this girl who had broken her arm and a little boy who had temperature. Other children came in too, a lot of them crying and the sound is still buzzing in my ears now, hearing all these children and babies crying today. Two hours before it was time to go on of the other interns had the idea of going to the floor with the new-born babies and see them. We got permission and went there and we got in the baby room. There we fed a baby for the first time and it was so cute to watch all the babies sleep. At the moment, they didn’t have that many babies there, nonetheless the ones we saw were ‘fresh’ as they were born today and yesterday. One of the little girls was three hours old when we visited, she is tiny!

I felt proud of myself, as I went to the polyclinic again even after the incident that happened on day three. I was strong enough to put it in the past and live with it. There was some tension as our mentor did not let us see as much because of what happened to me, although I was calm and accepted the fact that it wasn’t my fault and there’s not much I could do about it anymore. Day 4 was my favourite, I got to see babies and that made me so excited.

Day 5

I spent the day at the MRI and CT. Meh, not much to say. I am a bit sad this internship is over.

The overall experience made me a better person as I realised that no matter what, I am not going to quit. I am not going to stop trying to find out what I want to do with my life. At the moment I feel like becoming a doctor is what will make me happy so I am pursuing that. I got my first lab coat, even if I did not get to keep it… I may have fainted once, but that will not stop me from trying to go to med school. I will try to see something similar again and see how I react to it. I watch medical series and I will try my best to fight this and make myself immune to watching people bleed.

I am a person who believes that anything is possible and I want to be able to accomplish my dreams no matter what it takes to do that.

There is also the possibility that I cannot do anything about it and that is okay. No matter what, I will face the consequences in the future. For now, I am just going to enjoy my summer and not worry about it too much. For all the teenagers out there that want to do something in their lives and find barriers in their way, just know that you are not alone and you can do this. Stay strong.

Cheers to the Teenage Years, The Quiet Girl.