Wandering around

I looked at the sailing boats. I looked at all the white buildings. Short and packed, lying on the hills around the port, making it look pretty. I inhaled. I breathed in clean air, I breathed in the air of the sea and not that of factories, not that of cars or engines. And there I see a little girl. She’s inside, I can see her through the window. She’s gazing at something and I get closer trying to figure out what she’s looking at. Then I realize… She’s looking at a screen, she’s watching one of those early 21st century’s chick flicks. Those cliché movies with the blonde mean girl and the innocent girl who’s saving the day. As I get closer, I feel odd. I feel those butterflies they say you’re supposed to feel when you have a crush on someone. But mine are not positive butterflies, they’re painful trying to rip off my lungs, trying to escape my rib cages, trying to get out. They shuffle inside me. They fly around trying to find a way out as my body has trapped them. I feel like those butterflies are in that little girl as well. That captivity they must be feeling inside the little girl. She’s looking at that screen and without realizing it she’s forming images in her mind, of role models, of teenagers and of what she’s meant to grow up to become. She’s looking at her supposed future and without realizing it she’s becoming one of the same and she’s losing what makes her different. And if she’s still different, if she doesn’t grow up to become one of those main characters in that movie, she will have to fight. She will have to prepare for war, fight to keep her own unique self. She needs to fight for the butterflies, they are too weak to get out themselves. She has to make that first move to open her rib cage so that they have a little bit more space to get out. If she manages to do that… If she manages to get the butterflies to escape, she’ll be one of the exceptions. One of those people who leave something behind after they die, those people who do it their own way and the people who live life. That movie, society, is trying to reform her nevertheless if she resists and grows up to become the woman she’s supposed to become, she’ll do great things in life, she’ll succeed. She’ll let the butterflies free and they’ll dance around her surrounding her soul, forming a beautiful aura that will make life better. As I’m thinking all these thoughts, I walk and reach the port and I lose sight of the girl, still having that image of her on my mind though. It’s so clear I feel like she’s standing in front of me. I watch the birds flying, I see people walking around me. I feel like a little girl, oblivious of the big world and of what is going on around me. I wish I was that little girl sitting by the window.IMG_0497